Jiang Cheng woke up to the sound of banging on his door.
Not polite knocking. Not even angry knocking.
This was rhythmic banging, in time to a beat.
Through the wood, he could hear singing.
🎵 “Purple lightning, purple lightning—he’s mad but he’s shining—” 🎵
He groaned, pulled a pillow over his face, and shouted, “GO AWAY!”
The door creaked open anyway.
Wei Wuxian’s head popped in. “Bro, you’re trending.”
7:06 AM — Sect Leader Group Chat
Nie Huaisang: [Link: “Karaoke Night Highlights — Purple Lightning Rhapsody (Official Fan Cam)”]
Wei Wuxian: 😂😂😂
Lan Xichen: 🌸 Well done, Jiang Cheng.
Jin Guangyao: The audience response was… overwhelmingly positive. 🙂
Lan Qiren: [14 paragraphs in Classical Chinese about how music can corrupt the spirit if not practiced with decorum]
Nie Huaisang: TL;DR — Uncle says you’re a rock star now.
Wei Wuxian: oh yeah
Wei Wuxian: [Screenshot: trending hashtags]
#PurpleLightningRhapsody #AngryRockCultivator #JiangChengFanclub #StormyGrapeOfJustice
Jiang Cheng: DELETE THOSE HASHTAGS.
Nie Huaisang: can’t. they’re viral.
By mid-morning, Lotus Pier was swarming with reporters.
They weren’t here for sect politics, war stories, or cultivation strategy.
They were here for Jiang Cheng, The Accidental Rock Star.
“Chief Jiang!”
“Can you comment on the meaning of your song?”
“Do you plan to release an album?”
“Are you romantically linked to anyone in the audience?”
Jiang Cheng slammed the gates in their faces.
Meanwhile, the Sect Leader Group Chat had developed a new purpose.
Jin Guangyao: Since the press interest is unavoidable, perhaps we should coordinate our public image. 🙂
Nie Huaisang: so… a PR department??
Wei Wuxian: YESSSSS
Jin Guangyao: I can draw up media talking points for all of us.
Lan Xichen: I think that’s wise. 🌸
Jiang Cheng: NO.
Wei Wuxian: too late we voted
Jiang Cheng: I DIDN’T VOTE.
Nie Huaisang: democracy, bro.
“Sect Leader Press Coordination Group” was born.
Within hours, Jin Guangyao had posted:
A detailed media schedule for Jiang Cheng (“Press conference at 3 PM, lotus pond photo shoot at 5 PM”).
A list of “phrases to avoid” (including “leave me alone” and “I hate you all”).
A proposed charity concert titled “Cultivation Aid Live” with Jiang Cheng as the headliner.
Jiang Cheng: I’M NOT DOING A CHARITY CONCERT.
Wei Wuxian: think of the children 🥺
Nie Huaisang: and the memes
Lan Xichen: and the flowers 🌸
Jin Guangyao: It’s already been announced. 🙂
It got worse.
By the afternoon, fans had started camping outside Lotus Pier.
Someone launched an official Jiang Cheng Fan Club.
And because fate hated him, the fan club president was Jin Ling.
Jin Ling: it’s for damage control
Jiang Cheng: THIS IS NOT DAMAGE CONTROL
Wei Wuxian: lol ur nephew just became your manager
Nie Huaisang: legendary
3:15 PM — Live Press Conference
Wei Wuxian insisted on attending “for moral support,” which meant standing in the back holding a sign that said “Free the Stormy Grape”.
The reporters were relentless.
“Chief Jiang, will you be collaborating with other sect leaders musically?”
“No.”
“Will you tour?”
“No.”
“Will you do duets?”
“No—”
From the back:
Wei Wuxian: “YES HE WILL!”
Jiang Cheng nearly vaulted over the podium.
5:00 PM — Lotus Pond Photo Shoot
This was Jin Guangyao’s idea.
It involved Jiang Cheng standing near the water looking “mysterious and emotionally complex.”
Wei Wuxian kept yelling, “Look angrier! No, angrier! YES, PERFECT!”
Nie Huaisang took 300 photos from “artistic” low angles.
Somehow, Lan Xichen turned up just to hand Jiang Cheng a lotus blossom. 🌸
That night — Sect Leader Group Chat
Nie Huaisang: ok so the fan accounts are out of control
Wei Wuxian: [link: “Purple Lightning Rhapsody — Nightcore Remix”]
Jin Guangyao: I’ve received offers from three music festivals. 🙂
Lan Xichen: We could make this… an annual event. 🌸
Jiang Cheng: NO.
Wei Wuxian: too late we voted
Jiang Cheng: DEMOCRACY IS A SCAM
Nie Huaisang: democracy 🌸
The next day, the Meme Department was exclusively dedicated to Jiang Cheng content.
“Stormy Grape” plushies
Purple Lightning Rhapsody ringtone downloads
Fan art of Jiang Cheng riding a purple thundercloud like a skateboard
Jiang Cheng: STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY.
Wei Wuxian: ur famous bro
Nie Huaisang: ur an icon
Lan Xichen: 🌸
At this point, Jiang Cheng knew he had to end it.
That night, he called a secret meeting—
Not in the chat.
Not in Lotus Pier.
A physical, in-person meeting.
He invited Wei Wuxian, Nie Huaisang, and Jin Guangyao.
Lan Xichen showed up uninvited with tea. 🌸
Jiang Cheng slammed his hand on the table. “The group chat. Ends. Now.”
Wei Wuxian: “But—”
Jiang Cheng: “No. I am disbanding it by force if I have to.”
Nie Huaisang: “You can’t.”
Jiang Cheng: “WATCH ME.”
They argued for hours.
Jiang Cheng threatened to delete the app entirely.
Jin Guangyao smiled politely and suggested “alternative arrangements” (which sounded like exile).
Wei Wuxian insisted the chat was “the best thing that ever happened to sect politics.”
Nie Huaisang claimed it was “his emotional support chaos machine.”
Lan Xichen just poured tea. 🌸
When Jiang Cheng finally stormed out, he thought he had won.
He thought the chat was over.
Then his phone buzzed.
Nie Huaisang: new group alert 🚨
New Group Created: “Sect Leader Group Chat 2.0 (Jiang Cheng Can’t Stop Us)”
Wei Wuxian: welcome back bro 😘
Lan Xichen: 🌸
When you support my paid stories, you’re also bringing light and love to people in a blind orphanage.💖
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